


Nobody loves you like I do

by lonelyrainbow



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Emotional, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, My First Work in This Fandom, Rape/Non-con Elements, couldn't get rid of this idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-15 19:21:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9252248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelyrainbow/pseuds/lonelyrainbow
Summary: right after 2x08. Maggie got a new case. She doesn't need the DEOs help, but she will need help, after she became one of the victims. Alex is there.Trigger warning!





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't get this idea out of my head. I really hope, I don't offend anyone with this. I haven't written anything in years, but I had to do this. Leave comments, even when this is bad. I will post the other two chapters this week I hope. English isn't my first language and I had no beta. Sorry for mistakes. If you're still there, enjoy.

That night went on with slow kisses and snuggling on the couch in front of the fireplace. They ate the pizza, drank a few beers and shortly before midnight Maggie left with a smile and sparkling eyes. They were in love, but they sure weren't yet ready to admit it to one another.

The next day Alex woke up with the biggest smile. A message on her phone made her smile even bigger.

_'Good morning, Alex. I wished I stayed last night. Missed you. See ya later?'_

Alex answered without hesitation. Her heart was pounding in her chest. There were so many butterflies. She never felt like this ever before.

_'Lunch? Or can I assist in a new case?'_

She couldn't wait to see the detective and her smile again.

She ate breakfast and got ready for work. The agent was really hoping that Cadmus and this fucking CyberSuperman were gone for now and she could concentrate on more positive things. Her hope wasn't disappointed. Hank told her, that there was no trace of Lilian Luthor, anyone from Cadmus or their new supervillian.

Alex phoned Kara at work to tell her the news. Kara was relieved, that she could concentrate on one of Snapper Carrs new assignments without saving the world first.

Alex was checking some files and writing reports as her phone buzzed.

_'Sorry have to skip lunch today. New case. Nothing DEO-worthy. Call u later. Maybe dinner tonight? ;)'_

Alex' heart skipped a beat, but she was a little sad, that she wouldn't see Maggie for another 10 hours. Dinner? She wondered, what Maggie had in mind.

She was curious, which case wasn't DEO-worthy, so she called Maggie with a smile.

„Danvers!“, answered a smiling Maggie her phone.

„Maggie, hey!“, Alex was couldn't contain her smile, hearing Maggies voice.“What's going on? I'm curious.“

„Slow day at the DEO?“, the NCPD-Officer chuckled.

„Seems like it. What's your case?“

„There are two young women here in the hospital.“, Maggie paused. She spoke quietly, she was in the hospital corridor and didn't wanted everyone to hear, what had happened with them. „They were sexually abused. Raped.“ She swallowed audibly. Alex noticed, how hard this was for Maggie to tell. „It was an alien.“

„Are you ok?“, asked Alex concerened. „Should we get a team together?“

„No, it's ok. They are both badly hurt, but they are in good care here. I still have to interrogate them. That will be hard. Don't know much so far about the suspect.“

Maggie smiled in the phone. „I missed you last night.“, she whispered.

„Me too.“, Alex whispered back. „Call me later, when you know some more about the culprit? Maybe we can help.“

„Sure, will do. Can't wait to see you later.“, the detective said smiling.

Alex chuckled. „Yeah, later.“

She ended the call and her heart was almost jumping out of her chest. She had a girlfriend, who was liking her as much as she liked her. Kara would roll her eyes at her if she knew. She would tell her later, right now she just wanted to have Maggie all for herself.

 

_'How was the interrogation? Wanna talk?'_

Alex wrote a few hours later. It was 4 in the afternoon. Maggie hadn't called. She was worried, if Maggie could deal with the issue at this case.

Minutes later, she called.

„Hey, Alex. Sorry I didn't called earlier. I'm just out of the hospital.“ Maggie was a little out of breath and Alex could hear the wind in the backround.

Alex sighed with relief. „Hey“, she said softly. „I have to admit that I was a little worried. How was it?“, she added with a serious voice.

The backround sound on the phone got quieter. Maggie was sitting in the police car now. „It was hard. The suspect has raped them both, it was an invisible alienform. The victims said both, that it was blue translucent, when it touched them. It could change its form, it had many arms, it made itself bigger, when it caught them. It was strong. And the raping was horrible. Not only rape...the act had to be so painful for them. How they described it...“ Her voice trailed of and her breathing was heavy.

„Are you ok?“, Alex asked again. Her heart clenched at Maggies explanation. Maggie was tough, but she knew, when she were in her position, she would feel the same.

The detective sighed. „Yeah, I'm ok. I'm gonna drive to the precinct and make my report. After I freshen up, I'm coming to your place. At seven?“

Alex was finishing work up right now, so she had enough time to have some food prepared at seven. „Yeah“, she smiled in the phone. „I'm cooking some comfort food and we can talk, if you want. Maybe you want to come over sooner and take a bath at my place.“ Suddenly nervous she added quieter. „If you want to.“

„You cook?“, Maggie snickered. „Sounds wonderful to me.“ Alex couldn't see the dreamy expression on the detectives face.

Alex got home shortly after. J'onn was extremely nice to her and hadn't said much, but smiled when she said her goodbyes to him. He could read minds after all.

 

At seven, Alex got worried. Maggie wanted to come over earlier. She hadn't anwered any texts over the last two hours. Where the hell was she?

The DEO agent had prepared some vegetable soup, fresh bread and a delicious dessert with vanilla cream and lots of fruits.

She called over at the department and asked if anything occured in Maggies case. The detective was answering all her questions friendly. Maggie must have told her about Alex. But Maggie had left at five after filing the report and leaving for home.

Now Alex was really worried. She called Maggies phone, but no one was answering.

She got on her bike and drove as fast she could over to her girlfriends appartement building.

 

She got into the building and stood in front of the appartement door. She listened closely for sounds from inside, but nothing. She knocked softly and a couple more times harder. No answer.

„Maggie?“, she called for her.

She heard a squeaking sound from inside. She couldn't tell, what that sound made, but she knew something was wrong in there.

„Maggie, I'm coming in“, she yelled and shot with her gun into the lock. The door sprung open and revealed, what she feared all along.

She walked slowly inside, checking the rooms with her gun in front of her. The bedroom was lighted, everywhere chaos. The lamp had fallen down, the table was broken. Cushions were thrown across the room.

What had happened?

Her heart was beating fast, she tried to remain calm. For Maggies sake. She made her way across to the bedroom. The closer she came, the more scared she got. Maggie was lying on the bed. Barely dressed.

„Maggie?“, Alex whispered.

There was blood. She was looking at the grey painted wall. Her pants were shredded at the foot of the bed. She was bleeding. Her bare back was turning blue, Alex could see.

The taller woman walked over quickly and wanting to turn her around. She touched her on the shoulder.

Then Maggie screamed.

„Don't touch me!!“

 

 

 


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex takes care of Maggie after her traumatic experiences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the next one. Tell me, what you think :)  
> Again, this is not beta-ed. Sorry.

Maggie had turned around, when she screamed. Her eyes were full of terror and fear. Blood trickled down her temple. A cut above her eyebrow.  
Alex took a step back and got pale. She gasped audibly and Maggie turned again to the wall.  
„Maggie? What happened?“, Alex whispered and tried to step closer to the bed.  
„He got me.“, was the only thing Maggie said in a quiet monotone voice. There was nothing left of the smiling and bright police detective.  
Alex snapped out of her shock, more important things at hand in the moment.  
She walked over to the living room and found the soft blanket, which they shared at a movie night once.   
She made fast strides to come back to her girlfriend and said: „Here is a blanket. I'll get help, I'll get you to the DEO.“   
She placed it softly over Maggies legs and back. She couldn't stand to see her girl like this. The blood on her inner thighs was drying already.  
She left the room and called her colleagues. „I need a team here. The suspect is gone, but I need someone for securing the evidence here. And an ambulance for the victim, she has to get into medical stat.“  
There was pause. Alex breathed deeply, her eyes already filled with tears. She couldn't cry now, not now. She must stay strong. She answered quietly  
„It's Detective Sawyer. Maggie.“ She hung up and got over to her. Maggie had gotten into a sitting position. Her knees under her chin. The blanket around her legs. She stared into nothingness.  
Alex sat next to her, but couldn't bring herself to touch her again. She could barely look at her. Her heart clenched at the sight of her small friend.  
Alex heard the car door close and whispered: „Can you walk or should I carry you downstairs?“  
Maggie closed her eyes in surrender. She shook her head slightly and Alex saw pain flashing over her face.   
„I'm careful, ok? But we need to get you in some medical care quickly.“ Alex' voice was quivering.  
Maggie nodded barely, she didn't wanted to see anybody.   
Strong arms were put under her knees and around her shoulders. „Can you try and get your arms around my neck?“ Alex asked softly. Maggie did and hissed, when Alex stood up.   
Alex took her up and without another look around, got to the door and down the stairs to the ambulance. The medics came towards her, but she shook her head.  
„No, just open up and bring us as fast as you can to the DEO headquarters please.“ The agent gave them a stern look and no questions were asked.  
Minutes later, when the ambulance rolled away, the DEO squad arrived and locked up the crime scene to gather the evidence. They even found some light blue slime on one of the doorframes.

The drive inside the ambulance felt longer than it was. Alex had the feeling she's loosing Maggie. She hadn't opened her eyes again. All her body tension had left the small woman and her breathing was shallow. She was unconscious. Alex took in an IV and bandaged the cut on her forehead. Her heartrate was regular and she put on an oxygen mask. Now Alex was just waiting to get to a clean room, where she could take care of Maggie.   
Alex couldn't stand seeing Maggie like this. She was so pale,no smile left, no movement. Nothing. The agent looked down the small body on the gurney. There was blood all the way down to the white button up shirt. The shirt was half ripped open and partially in shreds. Over the hip the blanket, bloodstains already on it. Alex didn't wanted to imagine, what injuries she might find. A single tear rolled down her cheek. Her Maggie. She looked down and tried to compose herself. She breathed deeply and right this moment, the car stopped and the door opened.  
At the backdoor waited an agent, who brought them in. Maggie lying on the gurney, eyes still closed.

They were brought into a separate room, the blinds were closed. Alex knew Hank was in his freetime and she forgot her sister completely. Her mind was filled with Maggie and just Maggie. She knew, they would get that fucking alien and bring it behind bars for an eternity. Right now only Maggie was important.   
„Please leave us.“, she said to the agent walking in behind her. He nodded and left.  
The room was one of the separate patient's rooms. They had only two in the DEO for infected patients, who are in quarantine. She thought Maggie would have appreciated it, that not everybody could look through the glaswindows in the examine room.   
She breathed deeply again. She must stay strong. Alex bent over Maggies face and whispered: „Please wake up, sweetie.“   
She took a soft compress and started gently wiping off the dried blood on Maggies face. The detective stirred, when she came across her jaw. Maggie opened her eyes with a frown and fear flickering inside them. She flinched.  
„Don't...“, her voice was hoarse.   
Alex took away her hand immediatly. „I won't do anything, you don't want, ok?“, she said softly. „But we have to check on you. You are hurt...“ Maggie closed her eyes again. She didn't wanted to deal, she didn't wanted to feel anything anymore.  
„If you want, I could give you something to sleep. When I examine you, so you don't-“. Alex tried to explain carefully, but Maggie almost screamed „No!“ except it was more rough.  
Alex held her hands up and said softly „Ok“  
„Should I get someone for you? Or do you want another doctor? Everything you want, Maggie.“, Alex just wanted her safe, she would do everything to accomplish that.  
„No. You. I don't want anything else.“, Maggie looked at her with hollow brown eyes. There were no tears, just defeat.  
„No one will get in here ok, you're safe. It's just us.“, the agent caressed softly Maggies knee through the blanket.  
Maggie nodded barely and rested her head against the bed.   
„Do what you have to do...“ Her voice trailed of. She was tired. „Can I have some water?“, she whispered.  
Alex brought a glass within seconds. As their hands barely brushed, Maggie winced. She drank a few sips to soothe her sore throat and put the glass on the bedsidetable. „Ok.“, she said clearer. Her eyes fixed on the ceiling.  
Alex took a deep breath. It hurt so much to see Maggie like this. She needed to get in doctor mode and be there for her. First things first. She had to fix her from outside and then help her insides.  
„I tell you what I do. If you're in pain, you say it ok? I can give you some painkillers in advance, but it's better when you can say, where the pain is.“ Alex paused. „I'm so sorry...“ She whispered and another tear fell. She sniffed. No, she would not break right now.   
„Do it.“, Maggie said motionless. Alex put on another pair of gloves and got the tray with gauze and swabs.  
„Ok, I'll take the blanket and put on the heating blanket underneath you. If you get cold, please let me know.“  
She did as she told and her breath hitched at the sight before her. There was Maggie now, almost naked. The was no pants and no panties, but bloodstains all over her thighs and legs. It had dried already.  
Maggie flinched with every move. There was no legrest, so Maggie had to stand up one leg. Her eyes still fixed on the ceiling, face pale and shallow breathing.  
„We have to get you out of your blouse first, I saw a big bruise on your back and there might be some inner bleedings as well...“, she started cautiously buttoning down the shirt, well the remaining two buttons. The bra had fresh blood all over the front from a little cut above her right nipple.  
„I'm sorry, but I have to cut your bra off, there is a cut.“, Alex cut through the middle of the bra with medical scissors without hesitation but she wished, she had seen Maggie the first time under other circumstances.   
„That might burn a little.“, she whispered as she put on some disinfectant on the wound. She quickly put on a big band-aid. „Don't have to stitch that up. It's not deep. I will now check for inner damages, Maggie.“, she said softly. „Please let me know, if there is pain, ok?“  
Maggie nodded slightly, as Alex waited for her answer.  
Alex pressed on different points on her torso. The ribs had some bruises, but no bone broke. Gently presses on her abdomen showed no pain on Maggies side, but as her fingers reached the area of her uterus, Maggie hissed in pain and flinched away.  
„Sorry.“, Alex hands were already away, but Maggie moaned in pain.  
She took a few deep breaths and relaxed. „Ok, go on.“, she whispered with clenched teeth. She hasn't looked in Alex' direction the whole time, and it broke Alex' heart.  
„Before I check your legs, I want to see your back first. Can you try to turn around? I take off your shirt while we're at it ok?“   
It was painful, Alex could hear, but it was necessary. The area of the kidneys were dark purple. Alex pressed softly and Maggie hissed in pain. „We'll need to watch that closely. I can't say right now if your kidneys are hurt or if it's just a bruise. I'll make an appointment in a MRI later. You can lie back now.“ Alex helped her back in a lying position and turned around to give her a hospital gown. „Here. Need help with that?“, Alex whispered. Maggie took it, without blinking an eye to Alex and put it over her bare chest.  
Alex took this as a no and collected herself. „Now the...“, she didn't knew how to say it. It must feel terrible to be so exposed and vulnerable.  
But Maggie understood, she took a deep breath and stood one of her legs up. She was a cop, she knew. She closed her eyes. „Do it.“  
Alex took a watered gauze piece and started softly cleaning the legs. „I'm cleaning them first, ok? I'm starting at our calves and go up.“   
She did silently. Gauze after gauze soaked up the dried blood. Maggies skin was so soft and clean shaven. When Alex reached her inner thigh, Maggie tensed.   
„Does it hurt?“, Alex asked hesitantly. Small little cuts were inside her thighs underneath the dried blood. Maggie nodded and almost let out a sob.  
„I'm sorry, I'm almost done here. Do you want some painmeds?“ Maggie nodded more frantically.  
In a second Alex was at her cabinet with small phioles. She injected one half of a vial inside the IV and waited. Maggie relaxed visibly and looked at Alex with half closed eyes.  
„Just some painkillers, ok? I fix it up and check for more injuries. Just relax.“, Alex was nervous. There had to be a reason, why it was this painful for Maggie.  
The cuts were everywhere and even some dornes inside them.   
Fuck! That's what Maggie hadn't told her on the phone. That's the reason, why it was so pianful for them...   
Alex heart beat fast and hard in her chest.   
I had to get them out of her, she was thinking and got to work as a doctor.  
With a headlight and tweezers she worked her way around Maggies private parts and inside her. She pushed all thoughts away, where her fingers were and what she was doing. She just wanted to finish it as fast as possible.  
Ten minutes later she put a blanket over the sleeping form of her girlfriend. She had disinfected all she could and put a mild soothing cream of Maggies inside walls. She had cleaned her up properly and was glad that Maggie had slept through the whole procedure.  
Before she sat next to the sleeping form, she called Hank and Kara to inform them over the happenings. Hank already knew, but decided he didn't wanted to bother her. He couldn't imagine how hard it was, what Alex had to do. Kara was alerted right away from Hank, but she understood Alex' need to be alone with Maggie. They promised to take care of the alien, they already had a trace and were on it. Alex hoped that no one was getting hurt again. After the calls she sat next to Maggie and held her hand. It was cold and Alex turned the temperature up from the heating blanket.  
She drew small circles on the detectives hand and waited for her to wake up. Which she did only minutes later with a terrifying scream.  
Alex winced and touched Maggies shoulder. „Maggie, it's ok. It's me.“  
Maggie looked around terrified, till she fixed her gaze on Alex. There was pain and fear in her brown eyes.  
„It's okay. I'm here. You're safe here.“   
Alex' calm voice finally reached Maggie and she leaned back against the bed.  
„Relax, sweetie. Do you want something to drink?“, she asked and reached over to the side table. Maggies hectic breathing slowed down and she took the water glass.  
„How are you feeling?“, Alex watched her with soft eyes. Tears forming already again in them, but she tried to eliminate them. She will stay strong.  
„I...“ Maggie paused. She shook her head slightly. „I don't want feel right now. When can I get out of here?“ Her voice was still cracking and quiet. All the screaming of this afternoon had left their marks on her voice.  
„I think you should stay the night, I'll stay with you. Do you need the bathroom? You had already two bags of fluids so you should need it, except your kidneys were hurt.“ Alex watched her closely Maggie nodded shy and looked away.   
„I don't know if I can walk or...pee. I feel numb down there...“, Maggie blushed. „I feel so humiliated right now, wow.“, she whispered to herself.  
Alex gave her a reassuring squeeze to her hand. „Ok, try to pee in this. I'll give you some privacy.“  
The agent gave her a bed pan, stood up and left the room. Outside she took deep breaths to calm her heartrate.  
Five minutes and a bathroom walk for herself later, she reentered the room and saw her girlfriend with closed eyes on the bed.   
„You ok?“, asked Alex carefully not to startle her. Maggie opened her eyes slowly and searched for hers. „I'm feeling drowsy. I don't...know. I peed, so kidney good?“   
Alex smiled at the mumbling detective. „I check your blood levels, when you sleep. Relax. Let the sleep take over. I will be here. You're safe.“ She sat next to her again and took her hand. Maggie already slept. Alex was glad, she found some rest.  
Alex took some blood samples and sent her in the lab. A few hours later should have the results and maybe she could take Maggie home. She stayed at the bed and watched her. Hour after hour. Maggie flinched a few times and tossed her head back and forth, but she didn't woke up. Alex dozed off a few times, but was alert every time Maggie moved.   
Alex glanzed at her watch the next time Maggie moved her arm against Alex' head. She didn't slept and it was already 8 o'clock. There was a soft knock on the door, but Maggie was still asleep.  
The agent tiptoed to the door and smiled, when she opened it. It was J'onn with a tray. On it were coffee, tea and some donuts.  
„Hey, how are you? You look tired.“, a gentle smile on his face. He glanzed inside to Maggies resting form under the blanket.  
„I actually am, but I'm ok. Thanks for...“, she took the full tray and nodded. „I...“, she didn't know what to say.  
J'onn shook his head in understanding. „Take all the time you need. Take care of her. But don't forget yourself.“ He said with a serious tone.  
She nodded and smiled at him. „I'll have to...“ she nodded in Maggies direction.  
„Ok.“, he smiled and left.  
Alex got back to her chair and sat on it. Maggie opened slowly her eyes.  
„Hey“, she said softly, but there was no sparkle in her eyes like before.  
„Hey“, Alex squeezed her hand, Maggie flinched at the contact.  
„I got you blood levels back, no kidney injury, just a bruise. You can get out of here, if you want.“ She smiled reassuring.  
„I don't know where. I'm not going back“, said Maggie with a quiet voice.   
„You can come with me. I'm there for you.“ She squeezed her hand.   
„I don't know. I don't want to be burden, I...“, Maggie got shy and looked away.  
„No, you come with me. You shouldn't be alone. I have a big appartement.“, Alex' heart was beating fast. She didn't know, how hard it would get, when Maggie was recovering, but it didn't matter. She loved her and she would do anything to make her feel better.  
A few hours later they left slowly through the backdoor of the DEO. Maggie had trouble walking. It hurt with every step. All these little cuts opened up again and left little bloodstains inside the clothes Alex had given her. They were too big, Alex had found some spare clothes in her locker to lend her.

As they arrived in Alex' place, Maggie felt better. She knew the place, it was cozy and familiar.   
„You get the bedroom, I stay here in living room. The couch is comfy enough for me.“, Alex smiled in Maggies direction. But Maggie was already snuggled up in the bed. Surrounded by Alex scent she felt safe.  
Alex already made arrangement that someone got some clothes from Maggies appartement to change. She could stay there and take care of her.  
Alex took care of everything. Food and movies to distract the traumatized detective, but she stayed in bed. Days later she did the same, she just stood up to go to the bathroom or to eat barely something Alex cooked.  
Alex gave her all the time she needed. She convinced Maggie again and again, that she's there to listen, if she wanted to talk, but Maggie just shook her head and left for the bedroom. She was just lying there, staring at the wall.  
Alex tried distracting her with one movie after another, asked if she wanted something harder to drink or if she wanted to go outside. But Maggie denied every offer Alex made.  
Alex took good care of her girlfriend. She checked her wounds and Maggie was examined more then one time with flushed cheeks of embarrassment. She let it happen, because she wanted to heal properly. Alex did her best to make her feel safe and secure, she held herself in check everytime her girlfriend exposed herself in front of her.

Ten days gone by and Alex almost gave up. She was snuggled into the couch. Her thoughts wrapped up in Maggie, a boring movie on the tv and a whiskey on her table. Kara was there for her, if she wanted to talk, but she was bottled up. She didn't let her feelings show. She wanted to be there for Maggie.  
The couch dipped and Maggie sat next to her. She was so beautiful in the big shirt and her sweatpants. Alex almost gasped, when she looked at her. Her beautiful girl. The cut on her forehead healed good. A red thin line showed, but it wasn't infected and all other wounds got smaller too.  
Alex turned in her direction completely, turned the sound from the tv off and waited, but silence was their only company.  
The agent cleared her throat and spoke softly: „You need to talk to someone. The pain will get better. It won't go away, but it will get better. I promise.“ She took a deep breath, she didn't wanted to be pushy, but Maggie needed to know.  
„I...“, she paused. „I feel so humiliated, I feel so dirty...“, Maggie whispered and tears started to form.  
It's now or never, Alex thought.  
„You're strong. You're smart and beautiful. I...“, her heart pounding so loud in her chest.   
„I love you Maggie.“ Alex' breath caught in her throat.  
Maggies eyes filled with fear and pain. She never averted her eyes from Alex as she stood up.  
„Please never say that again!“, she said loud and clear through the silent room and disappeared behind the bedroom door.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It gets better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the last one. It's not beta-ed again, sorry for mistakes. Enjoy!

Alex stared speechless at the closed bedroom door.   
What did just happen? She couldn't understand. What did she do wrong? Was that too soon or too much? Didn't Maggie believe her? Didn't trust her?  
Tears welled up in her eyes, but she wouldn't let them fall. No, not til Maggie's fine again. Til she fixed it.   
She took a deep breath and turned off the tv completely. Unsure of what to do, she looked over to the closed door. She wanted to talk about that, but would Maggie too?  
She stood up and walked over to the bedroom. Seconds later she finally was brave enough to knock on the wooden frame.  
„Come in“, came a muffled voice from inside.  
She opened the door slowly and saw the small form of her girlfriend lying on the sheets on her bed.  
„Hey“, she said nervously. She stood at the foot of the bed and just stared, til she snapped out of it. They had to talk.  
Maggie watched her carefully. Her eyes had lost all the sparkles Alex loved so much.   
„Hey“, she said quietly and tapped next to her.  
Alex understood and seated herself next to her.

Without another word beforehand, Maggie just said: „He said that“, she gulped down a sob and continued.   
„He said...Nobody will love you...like I do. And then he....he...“ and then she cried. Her hands in front of her face as she sobbed and tears streamed down her beautiful face.  
Alex paled and understood. She placed a soft hand on Maggies back and Maggie curled in her arms. Alex held the crying body and stroked softly her hair and back.   
„You're safe. It's just me. You're safe.“ She whispered over and over.  
It felt like hours for Alex til the tears stopped and Maggie calmed down. She had relaxed in her arms and dozed off. When Alex dozed off too, because it was pretty late at this point, she started talking into the dusk of the room.  
„He must have followed me, when I was at the...hospital or the crime scene. I don't know. I...“, she trailed off and Alex started drawing small circles on her hip. Maggie sighed. „I... I didn't noticed it and then...something grabbed me, when I was at home. Inside my apartment. I was so....so horrified... it was big and had long arms... it pressed me down on the couch, but I could fight it... I tried. He threw me through the room.“  
Alex remembered the broken table and the bruises across her back. Maggie had her eyes half closed, small tears running down her cheeks, her arm draped across Alex' stomach. Maggie was glad, she didn't had to look at her.  
„Next thing I know is...the bed. He said things. Nobody will love you like I will do...“, Maggie paused and took a deep breath. „He held me with his....arms...It hurt so bad.“   
Her voice cracked and new tears streamed faster down her cheeks into Alex' sweater.  
„He said 'I love you' again and again and hurt me more everytime.“, suddenly she jumped up and ran to the bathroom.   
Alex heard the sounds of heaving and crying. She walked over to her girlfriend. She was sitting on the ground next to the toilet. It broke Alex' heart all over again.  
The agent got a wet washcloth and started cleaning Maggies face with nervous fingers.   
„I'm so sorry, Maggie.“, whispered Alex. Maggie looked at her and something came back into her eyes. A little spark.  
They got back to bed and Maggie snuggled into Alex side. „I don't want to feel it anymore.“, Maggie whispered frustrated. „I don't want to...see it anymore.“ Her face turned right into Alex sweater and a sob shook the smaller woman. They stayed this way all night. Alex held her and whispered things like „I'm here.“ and „You're safe.“.  
Maggie woke first the next morning and smiled at the sleeping form of her girlfriend. She felt that some strength had gotten back. Her mind felt lighter. She made breakfast and Alex was suprised, how Maggie has suddenly changed after talking to her.

After that night things got better. Maggie was starting to smile at Alex again, she even got back to work a week later. She talked to a police psychologist, requested from her chief. She could work again.  
But she wasn't the same, everyone noticed. She worked like a robot. Talked about nothing private anymore, held everything inside her. At night when she was alone with Alex snuggling on the couch, watching a movie and drinking some beer, or just listening to music, she was herself again. At times she began to cry and more details of her traumatic experience came to the surface. Alex was there and talked to her.

Days later, Alex knew she had to say something about Maggies apartment. She was still paying rent and she had to do something about it.  
„Maggie, we need to talk about your apartment.“, she said one night, both snuggled under a blanket on the couch.  
Maggie sat up and looked at her. Insecurity in her eyes. „What about it?“  
„We have to clear it out. I mean, I know you don't want to go back, and you can stay here. I really like living with you, but...“ How should she say this. Alex took a deep breath. Maggie watched her expectantly. „...but we should go there together. You'll have to face it and get a few personal things from there. I think, you need that to move on and I will get everything else arranged, if you want.“  
Alex waited for an answer, but she got only a nod and a sigh. Maggie knew it was necessary.

Few days later, they got there. Alex had cleaned up the mess of the attack, to not traumatize Maggie again. The living room was almost like before, just the broken table and the lamp were reminders on the attack.  
They were holding hands, when climbing the stairs and Alex brought two empty boxes for Maggies personal belongings.  
Before they entered the apartment, Alex turned to Maggie and encouraged her one more time: „Take your time, take your photos, pictures and everything you need. Tomorrow are coming some guys from the moving company and bring your furniture and stuff to a warehouse, like we said.“  
Alex squeezed her hand shortly and Maggie nodded. Her face was pale and her lips were pressed together. She was quiet and Alex saw insecurity in her eyes. „It's gonna be ok. I promise. You're not alone.“, Alex whispered and gave her an encouraging smile.  
They entered and Maggie took it all in. They talked beforehand, what she wanted and Alex knew, that Maggie didn't wanted to go inside the bedroom. Alex took one of the boxes and packed the frames with family photographs and some clothes from the closet with quick movements. A shiver rolled down her spine, when she glanzed at the bed. There was no blood anymore, Alex had cleaned it up, but the image had burnt itself in Alex' mind.  
She came back into the living room and Maggie had finished her box too. There were Cds, vinyls, more framed photos and her police memories.  
„I think that's all.“, Maggie declared and took a look around again. She sighed. „I actually liked living here, but...“  
Alex nodded and smiled softly at her. Like the soft smile Maggie gave her that evening, when she admitted, that Maggie was right about her.  
They left and most frames got a place over Alex' fireplace.   
Her furniture, well the ones that were not harmed during the attack, got stored away safely and maybe someday they could use them for a together apartment. Everything went as planned.

Maggie was feeling better. Everyday a smile more, a little sparkle in her eyes and her confidence grew back. They snuggled one night a few days later on the comfy couch. Alex caressed her back, Maggie was lying in her arms under her chin. Maggie tilted her head to look at her girlfriend. Her eyes fixed on Alex' lips. She stretched herself and pecked them with hers. Alex looked at her, their eyes met longingly. Slowly they met again.Their lips didn't move, only touched. Alex' heart was racing, like this was her first kiss ever. It felt like it. It felt like the evening of her coming out and their first kiss.  
„I missed your kisses.“, Maggie whispered, her cheeks with a light blush. A soft smile crept on Alex' face. They kissed a few times more, Alex did no fast movements, not to startle Maggie, but they shifted, so Maggie was on top of her. Alex hands softly touching Maggies back under her shirt.  
„I missed this.“, Alex whispered. Her eyes wandering between the soft lips and the sparkling eyes of Maggie.  
Touching and kissing got normal for them now. Slight handbrushes, when they stood together with others. A peck on the lips, when they parted for work in the morning. Caresses, when they snuggled, but Alex wanted to say, how much Maggie meant for her. But the word „love“ was forbidden.

Maggie wanted to do something about that and talked with her therapist. It was months since the attack and she was getting frustrated with herself. Her brain had put pain and love together and maybe they could reverse that. The therapist gave a nice advice and Maggie decided to talk with Alex about it.  
„I think we should talk about us.“, Maggie said that night. They were snuggled together in bed. They slept there together for a few weeks now.   
„I was talking with my therapist today about something.“  
Alex got alerted. Was that good or bad?  
She turned herself to Maggie to give her full attention.  
„My brain connected the l-word with pain, so she suggested and I'm in on this, that we should try and reverse that. I should connect positive things and ...“, she took a deep breath and said simply „love.“ She breathed out, her heart hammering in her chest. She looked at Alex expectantly and Alex was looking at her in pure adoration and pride. Maggie trusted her with her whole heart and she knew it was right.  
„We will.“, Alex whispered and leaned over to give her a slow kiss. Lips gently moving and Alex hand slowly creeping over Maggies torso over the shirt. Alex looked at her smiling, when they parted.   
„I will never hurt you and...“, she removed softly one of Maggies strands from her forehead. „...I will do everything to make you happy.“ Another slow kiss and then they snuggled together and fell in deep sleep.

It was a friday evening, when Maggie came home after an exhausting day of alien hunting. Alex had everything prepared. There were candles lit, some wine on the table and Maggies favorite pizza, like the night of Maggies confession, that she liked her like 'this'.   
The detective was suprised, as Alex approached her in pajama pants and her favorite sweater, like that night.  
They hugged and kissed slowly. Alex wanted her to feel loved and she wanted to show her.  
„I thought you might need a relaxing evening, after this day.“, she whispered a brought her a glass of her favorite red wine.  
„I actually do.“, Maggie smiled and took of her leather jacket. „You still look so cute in those jammies. Well you look sexy, I would say. Your butt is soooo...“   
Maggie was chuckling and Alex did a little bootyshake to make her laugh. It worked, they hugged again. Their eyes met and then their lips.   
„Are you hungry?“, Alex asked with a slight groan.   
„Not for pizza actually. I knew something better I think.“, she smiled and took Alex hand.  
At the bed she turned to her girlfriend. „I want to...“, she said with emphasis.  
„You sure?“, Alex asked with a soft voice and squeezed her hand. She was nervous. It would be their first time and her first time with a girl. Maggie nodded and beamed a bright smile.   
They kissed. Alex' hand touched Maggies face and stroked her sweet cheeks.  
She slowly opened the buttons of Maggies blouse and traced with featherlight touches her soft skin. „Your skin is so soft.“, Alex whispered in her ear and put the blouse over Maggies shoulder. It fell in a pile on the ground. „You're so beautiful, Maggie.“  
Tears were forming in Alex' eyes, completely overwhelmed.  
They slowly got down on the bed. With soft kisses over naked skin, Maggie lost also the rest of her clothes. Alex was hovering over the squirming and panting Maggie. Maggies heart was racing. „Look at me.“ Alex said, when she saw slight panic in Maggies eyes. „You're safe.“  
Maggies gaze fixed on Alex. „You're so beautiful.“   
Their tongues danced in unison as their lips met again.  
Alex drew small circles on Maggies skin above her small breasts, on her abdomen, down her arm and over her thighs.   
„I love your softness. I love, how strong you are. I love your smile and your cute dimples.“   
It was like a mantra. Every soft touch was filled with love and followed by words of love. Maggie relaxed and started making small moans, when Alex touched places, where Maggie was overly sensitive. Her hip, the outsides of her breast.  
Alex wanted everything to go right, but she waited, til Maggie was saying something. She wanted no rush.   
She kissed everywhere, where her fingers had been and then „Please“, Maggie whined.  
Alex knew it would be ok, so she caressed Maggies mound and the smaller woman opened up her beautiful lean legs.  
She stroked up and down, never touching where Maggie wanted it most, til the next moaned „please“ filled the room. Alex parted her nether lips and put slowly one finger inside her. She moved it slowly in and out. Maggies hips moving with it.   
„More.“ she whispered breathlessly. She was totally worked up already. Alex added another finger and her mouth on Maggies sensitive nub. Maggies eyes were closed, but they opened, when she felt Alex' hot tongue.   
„Oh my god.“ she moaned loudly. There was no shyness left. There was no fear, just love and passion. Minutes later she came down from her high. Alex crawled up and held her.   
„I love you so much.“, she whispered over and over. Maggie cried tears of happiness.   
They fell asleep, Maggie in Alex' arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading :)


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